To every season ?

Been awhile since I sat down and allowed my mind to flow effortlessly. Just my mind and the click-click of the keys. Remember when I learned to type. Software program in 6th grade annoyed the hell outta me. Had to chase a little computerized fox and the only way to do it was to type fast enough. I got up to 160 wmp. Crazy little girl. Always had to have a new goal. Even if it was one as stupid as becoming world's fastest typing 11 year old.

Anyway. Right now I can't tell you (whom I assume is simply myself since this websites stats suck...and because I don't advertise my retarded mental state)...anyway, I apologize...as you can see I'm easily distracted. But, I cannot tell you who I am today. Truly. This eating disorder is beginning to eat at my soul. And I'm letting it. I feel so completely alone. Scared. Empty. I hate this place. I hate the quiet. I absolutely despise silence...wait did I just rephrase the previous sentence? Yes. I believe I did. Oh well. This is why I'm known as a complete scatter-brain. I try with all my might to keep my thoughts together when at work, school, bar, etc. But left to my own devices, the ramblings of my inner mind do not make much sense at all. I worry about everything. I worry about ending up alone. I worry about taking opportunity. I want to succeed yet I don't. I want to win but allow myself to fail. I want to be healthy but I stave myself.

Anyway, I have to go get some caffeine. I'm going to start writing again. Need this.