Another Tuesday morning

It feels as though routine has taken over my life; eat healthy, workout, go to work, sleep. I yearn for something so much deeper, primarily with Ben. We connect so well, and get along nearly all the time. We see eachother's differences and look past them. We love eachother and vow to work things out whether we are feeling "love" or not. There is just something deeper that we are missing. As I awaken, and try to force myself out of this shell, I see that he is covered. Maybe he is embarrased to express his innermost thoughts, maybe his shell has become more of a barrier - and he cannot see it, or maybe, maybe I am wrong all-together.

See what I mean. Neurotic.

I need to learn to listen and observe, these gifts I already have but they could use some fine tuning. I can sense other's emotions, see it in their eyes, feel their self-conciousness. I often find myself feeling with everyone. With some, it is harder than others. Some of us have built up walls high that we allow no intruders, not even ourselves. I know very little of who I am. Intuitively speaking, Ben knows very little of who he is; how badly he was hurt, pushed around, degraded, and made to feel powerless as a child. I know that he was affected more than what he would ever dare to tell. He also does not realize his potential. He is a healer, somewhat of an oracle to me. I often wonder if he hears me when I tell him how wonderful he is. (I know I often brush off those compliments when they are given to me.)

Well anyway, these are more thoughts to ponder for later. Until then, off to work.