Halloween, fun with the devil, and how to disappear.

Fun stuff. Indian chic with some pretty sweet body paint...dammit. It is cool right? No??? Well whatever. Despite the costume, my constant act is (however) quite amusing, entertaining, and always enchanting. Because none of it, of course, is at all real. People always fall for a lie before they accept the truth. Just like we like to listen to gossip before we actually want to find out the truth. We, human beings, love all that is fake. We love to imagine. Living outwardly with my thoughts and emotions, I don't think I've ever confused people quite this much. But, I love every second of it.

"Watching a peaceful death of a human being reminds us of a falling star; one of a million lights in a vast sky that flares up for a brief moment only to disappear into the endless night forever." Elisabeth Kubler-Ross (psychiatrist, author)

I am somewhere else right now. Somewhere distant. Somewhere fallen, quiet, out of reach. From just about everyone. Not worth looking for or searching for. Not worth rescuing or setting sail for. Not at all. Because I keep just enough distance to be seen, but never caught. I like this place because it is sweet torture. Dancing with, embracing, kissing, and always holding on tightly to it; pain is something I'll always love. Having such a love affair is addicting. All I can think about is feeling more and more distant. Running far from the ships that have set sail. Running. I love running. Who am I? I run. Nike. Dammit. What do I like to do? Act. Play the chameleon. I can be whatever anyone wants me to be. Crazy. Laid back. Pensive. Thoughtful. Intelligent. Funny. Whatever. Play the chameleon, I disappear. That's who I've always been. I am too much. Simply too much.

cha·me·leon (k-mlyn, -ml-n)n.

1. Any of various tropical Old World lizards of the family Chamaeleonidae, characterized by their ability to change color.

2. See anole.

3. A changeable or inconstant person: