Tired
Not the best day. I've done so well these past couple weeks with balancing food and diet. These weekend I gave myself a break from cardio, and today was a day I should have done cardio. It was also a day I should not have stuffed my face in. Now, I am exhausted. My brain is doing backflips, "I should work off those extra calories I consumed I should not have had that glass of wine with Laura. I should not have had those cranberries and almonds. I should have worked out in the morning. I shouldn't have been such a fat ass. Where is your control? What is wrong with you? Why are you so lazy.What were you working for in the first place, you just ruined everything."
These are the thoughts in my mind right now. My mind will not give me peace right now. So what can I do but make it sleep? I am so tired right now, and all these shoulds are racing through me. Sure, I could do those things. I could workout and burn 1000 calories. But I am exhausted. Why would I want to do that? Because, there is something in me that is angry that I am tired. My dark concious. My "other" half, not the better. True, I have stuffed myself moreso than need be. I have picked on things that have made me feel guilty. So, what is the person striving for recovery saying?
"Please Sara, realize that tommorrow is a new day. A fresh start. Your recovery is not going to happen instantly. Or overnight. Please realize that these days are inevitalbe. You worked a double shift. You felt a variety of emotions today; anger because you feel walked upon by many people at work, boredom (because Monday is the worst shift ever!), frustration because you had to spend all of your tips on groceries, and an array of negative emotions. You are tired. So rest. Listen to your body's signals. If it is tired, it knows bests: it yearns for sleep. Tommorrow is a new day."
Yes. yes. yes. you are right. but I still feel crappy about myself for bingeing.
"Mind you, what you consider bingeing, others consider healthy snacking."
Right. well, bingeing to me. Ok? Errr. Why does my mind have to be so messed up? I suppose this crazy mind best suits me.
As actress Tea Leoni says, "The inner conflict is what makes the spin so much fun, what makes it more colorful. I actually can't imagine playing someone who wasn't neurotic."
But ha, this quote is too funny.
"I'm afraid of making a mistake. I'm not totally neurotic, but I'm pretty neurotic about it. I'm as close to totally neurotic as you can get without being totally neurotic."
Bridget Fonda
ok ok, just one more.
"A neurotic is a man who builds a castle in the air. A psychotic is the man who lives in it. A psychiatrist is the man who collects the rent."
Jerome Lawrence
Ha! Gotta love that last one.
These are the thoughts in my mind right now. My mind will not give me peace right now. So what can I do but make it sleep? I am so tired right now, and all these shoulds are racing through me. Sure, I could do those things. I could workout and burn 1000 calories. But I am exhausted. Why would I want to do that? Because, there is something in me that is angry that I am tired. My dark concious. My "other" half, not the better. True, I have stuffed myself moreso than need be. I have picked on things that have made me feel guilty. So, what is the person striving for recovery saying?
"Please Sara, realize that tommorrow is a new day. A fresh start. Your recovery is not going to happen instantly. Or overnight. Please realize that these days are inevitalbe. You worked a double shift. You felt a variety of emotions today; anger because you feel walked upon by many people at work, boredom (because Monday is the worst shift ever!), frustration because you had to spend all of your tips on groceries, and an array of negative emotions. You are tired. So rest. Listen to your body's signals. If it is tired, it knows bests: it yearns for sleep. Tommorrow is a new day."
Yes. yes. yes. you are right. but I still feel crappy about myself for bingeing.
"Mind you, what you consider bingeing, others consider healthy snacking."
Right. well, bingeing to me. Ok? Errr. Why does my mind have to be so messed up? I suppose this crazy mind best suits me.
As actress Tea Leoni says, "The inner conflict is what makes the spin so much fun, what makes it more colorful. I actually can't imagine playing someone who wasn't neurotic."
But ha, this quote is too funny.
"I'm afraid of making a mistake. I'm not totally neurotic, but I'm pretty neurotic about it. I'm as close to totally neurotic as you can get without being totally neurotic."
Bridget Fonda
ok ok, just one more.
"A neurotic is a man who builds a castle in the air. A psychotic is the man who lives in it. A psychiatrist is the man who collects the rent."
Jerome Lawrence
Ha! Gotta love that last one.
posted by Sara at 8:34 PM
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